Shockingly, the rest of the world has not seen the wisdom in bowing to American modem and telephone technology. It's true! There are more than 30 different telephone jacks in use around this globe of ours, many of which bear no resemblance to our little plastic pronged RJ-11.

It's time to adapt. You'll need to look up the country/ies you're going to on a handy-dandy little site like http://kropla.com/phones.htm.

Steve Kropla could just become your best friend. His site lists the plugs each country uses and even has pictures of them. Some are right out of the Middle Ages and are reminiscent of the Inquisition.

It's a lot easier to buy these babies here, so try sites like www.teleadaptusa.com or www.roadwarrior.com before you go. Going to Ghent? Belgium's adapter is about $15. Don't let them sucker you into complex and pricey packages. TeleAdapt has a cool feature - live online customer support - if you're confused.

To be fully prepared, especially if you'll be travelling in less-developed countries or staying in less-than connected hotels (more common than you may think), consider buying an acoustic coupler (about $150). These little artifacts are how folks used to hook up their modems before telephone systems became modular. Essentially, you insert the handset of the telephone into the coupler's cradle that uses the microphone and ear piece to send and receive the data sounds.

Don't forget to pack an additional phone cord and maybe a dual-jack so you can use the phone while using the dataport too (kit from Roadwarrior.com runs about $25). And, remember the all-important electric plug adapter to re-charge those short-lived batteries.

Where are you staying?

Call your hotel to ask if there are dataports in the rooms, whether telephones are 'hard-wired' (see below) and what the telephone system is like.

Most big hotels and offices use their own digital telephone system, called PBX (Private Branch Exchange). Unfortunately, your delicate little modem is designed for POTS (literally, Plain Old Telephone Service) which is analog. Normal phone lines - domestic and international - don't carry much of an electric charge. But PBX makers don't have regulations like that, so they can pack a currency wallop of up to an amp (hence the sad puff of smoke).

So, before plugging in, test the line with something like IBM's ModemSaver (about $25-40). While you're at it, dial a few digits to see if the system uses 'pulse' (remember rotary phones?) or tone. Remember to change the setting in your laptop's dialing setup box to pulse or tone.

Speaking of dial tones, there's one other annoyance to keep in mind. In certain countries (Austria, Belgium, the Czech Republic, Germany, Spain and Switzerland), the phone companies use high frequency pulses to keep track of - and charge - for local phone use. These so-called 'tax impulses' can destroy your connection or make it impossible to hook-up at all. You'll need a 'TeleFilter" (about $60) to screen these out.

OK, we've got all the filters and adapters plugged in to our Belgian PBX phone system. Now is the time we bust out our digital converter, which runs about $150 (or, we can choose the anachronistic acoustic coupler instead).

How tech-savvy are you?

But wait, there's more! You've got to change the settings inside your computer. You'll have to set it to: Ignore dial tone, dial the correct local access number (call it first, trust me), allow manual dialing (for calling cards or using an operator), and, add in commas between access number sequence, if needed.

I don't know about you, but my head is spinning.

Let's recap:

If you're toting your notebook on the road with you, you need to plan ahead.

And buy things.

The total equipment cost for me to avoid my nightmare trip to Brussels would range from $265 to $415.

With all this gear, you're still not guaranteed connection, but with some effort (and, perhaps, a basic knowledge of wiretapping for hard-wired phones), your chances of getting that all-important email are very good.